


Life Advice from Louis Tomlinson

by akikotree



Series: San Francisco Dance AU [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Friendship, M/M, Modern AU, RPF, dance, hazlou, lourry, real person fic, san francisco dance au, ziam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-01
Updated: 2014-12-01
Packaged: 2018-02-27 17:02:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2700557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akikotree/pseuds/akikotree
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>But it seemed mean to kick Zayn out of his own bed, so in the end Zayn stayed in his room, Niall and Harry shared Harry's room and Liam and Louis each rolled out a sleeping bag on the couch bed. It was a compromise that left no one satisfied.</p><p>Part 2 of the San Francisco Dance AU series. I highly recommend that you read Part 1 first- this story takes place less than 30 minutes after the end of the previous one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Life Advice from Louis Tomlinson

The apartment on Pine Street was painted a soft blue gray with darker blue for the trim. Leaves from the ornamental privet trees that lined the sidewalk piled up in the corners of its five steps. The door at the top of the stairs was fitted with a deadbolt, a lock, and a tiny stained glass window. Windows to the right and left of the door let light into the two bedrooms. On the right side the apartment was attached to an identical but mirrored unit painted sage green. 

The entry way of the apartment was a short hallway. There was a line of pegs on the wall meant for coats but which currently held only an umbrella that Zayn had 'borrowed' from the lost and found at school. Beneath this was a pile of shoes, kicked off in a hurry and left in disarray, likely to trip any unaccustomed visitors. The larger of the two bedrooms, Harry's room, opened off the hall on the right. There was a exercise bar, nominally meant for chin ups, in the doorway and a queen bed pushed into the corner under the window. The other main item of furniture was a dresser, the top holding a lamp and the growing collection of hair ties, scrunchies and scarves that Harry had acquired as his hair grew out. The very small night table held his laptop, his phone charger and a pile a clothes. The main decoration was a large sarong, a rectangular piece of fabric probably meant as a blanket, tacked up to one wall. It showed a Chinese dragon curled around a yin-yang sign. Harry had also put up some classic rock posters including one of The Doors and one of The Rolling Stones. 

Zayn's room was across the hall. It was smaller but had better light, having windows on two sides. Zayn's bed was a twin which left him room for a desk in addition to his dresser. The desk held his laptop, several stacks of comics waiting to be read, a tangled pile of pencils and his battered sketchbook. The comics he had already read lived in a messy stack on the floor. There were three posters, two from movies ( _Ironman 2, The Amazing Spiderman 1_ ) and the third a view of the Golden Gate Bridge framed in art deco line work. He had also tacked up two of his drawings (the two he was currently happy with). 

Further down the hall after Harry's room there was a small bathroom. The end of the hall opened into a single space with kitchen on the left and living room on the right. The apartment had come “fully furnished”, aka, it had contained the main pieces of furniture- beds, couch, TV, etc- but only the barest minimum of kitchen utensils. They had a wooden spoon but no spatula, as Niall had discovered the first time he, Liam and Louis had all stayed over and he'd tried to make a pancake breakfast from a mix for everyone. They had a kettle and a microwave, but only enough dishes for three people. They'd all started bringing home chopsticks from Chinese restaurants right away, and Harry and Zayn had picked up some more plates and silverware at Goodwill. Louis had brought in several mugs which he claimed were not stolen- but which looked very similar to the ones used in the diner he and Niall sometimes went to before school. Harry had stopped using these after the end of fall semester. Zayn had buried them in a bottom drawer. 

They had genuinely cooked in this kitchen, but right now pretty much all that was left in the cupboards was pasta, microwave popcorn, and canned beans. The fridge wasn't much better- half and half, bread, eggs, beer. Maybe some butter buried in the freezer. Off the kitchen in the back was a minuscule laundry room, probably the single feature that made this apartment really worth it. It contained a high efficiency washer/drier which took four hours to do one load. Some weeks they'd run it three or four times. Buying laundry soap was cheaper than getting more workout clothes and considering they danced four to eight hours a day, plus often went to the gym on weekends, their clothes got disgusting extremely quickly. When Liam had still been taking dance classes last semester he had often changed before going back to San Rafael and just sent his dirty stuff home with Harry and Zayn to change back into the next morning. 

The laundry room and the kitchen were floored with linoleum but just past the kitchen island the carpet started up, marking a non-existent boundary with the living room. This area consisted of a couch against the back wall, a useless coffee table, a TV and an armchair. The couch folded out into a bed, but to do so they had to push the coffee table into the kitchen, which was just stupid. Harry kept talking about sticking the damn thing out on the curb, but- as Zayn reminded him- they wouldn't get their full damage deposit back if some of the furniture was _missing_ when the lease ended. 

After Harry made his generous and surprising statement that Louis could stay in the apartment, it for some reason fell to Liam to figure out where everyone was going to sleep. In the past when all five of them had stayed at the apartment, Liam and Niall had generally shared the fold out couch, which was a double, and Louis had shared Harry's bed. That was then. It quickly transpired that while Harry did _not_ want Louis to leave the house, he was unwilling to actually sleep in the same room as Louis. Liam _also_ did not want to share a mattress with Louis, but he recognized that Harry's complaint was stronger. Niall _was_ willing to share with Louis, but he claimed that sleeping on the couch would be bad for his knee and therefore he should get one of the two real beds. Liam privately thought the best solution would be to stick Louis on the twin in Zayn's room, so Niall could share with Harry and he could share with Zayn. But it seemed mean to kick Zayn out of his own bed, so in the end Zayn stayed in his room, Niall and Harry shared Harry's room and Liam and Louis each rolled out a sleeping bag on the couch bed. 

It was a compromise that left no one satisfied, or so Liam thought, as he stepped over the goddamn coffee table to brush his teeth at the kitchen sink (the bathroom was full). He said as much to Louis as they settled in, after Harry had turned off the lights. Louis had been lying quietly in his sleeping bag for a few minutes already, just staring up at the ceiling. It looked like he couldn't quite believe where he was. 

“What do you mean?” Louis asked, turning his head to face Liam. Liam could just see him, lit dimly by the street lights coming in through the kitchen windows. “Leaves no one satisfied?” 

“Oh- uh,” Liam felt odd having to clarify it. “I just meant- Niall in there with Harry... I'm out here with you... none of us are...” he trailed off, embarrassed. “You know.” 

“None of us in bed with the one we want to touch,” said Louis, with the old smirk in his voice. 

“Uh... I guess,” said Liam. Not quite how he would have put it, but okay. 

“Still haven't made any progress with Zayn then,” said Louis, making it a statement rather than a question. 

“Probably never will.” Liam was too tired to protest, and only vaguely surprised Louis knew about that. They lay quietly for a few minutes. Liam listened to the sounds of the city outside the apartment- cars rushing by on Pine; people talking out in the street; the occasional rattle or crash as if someone was digging through the trash or recycling bins. It was so much noisier here than outside Liam's dorms in San Rafael. 

“Have you tried talking with Zayn about it?” Louis asked, startling Liam. 

“No...” said Liam. “I don't think... I'm pretty sure he wouldn't want to hear it.” 

“Seriously?” said Louis. He sounded skeptical. Then he seemed to remember himself. “I mean- I've been away for a while, but I would have thought...” 

“Can we change the subject?” Liam asked, a bit testily. Louis was pretty much the last person in the whole world he wanted relationship advice from, _christ_. Why did he even give a shit? He hadn't seen either of them in six months. “What about you- wouldn't you rather be in there with Harry?” 

“No,” said Louis, simply. 

Liam stared at him. 

“I mean, yes,” said Louis. “Obviously. But...” He swallowed. Liam could tell he was struggling with himself on what he could say, what he was willing to say- honesty had never been Louis's strong suit. Liam waited. Finally Louis continued. 

“I'd like to be with him more than anything,” he said, hardly above a whisper, as if Harry might hear him somehow through the closed door. “But I realize that I royally fucked that up last time I had a shot. So now I have to wait until... or if... I have to wait and see if he wants me back or not.” 

He paused again for a long moment, gazing up at the patterns of light and shadow on the ceiling. Liam didn't say anything; he had no idea if Harry ever would. 

“Right now I'm just glad to be back here,” said Louis.

“Back in this apartment?” Liam asked. 

“Back with all of you,” said Louis. “Back in his life...” He trailed off. 

“Louis- what happened?” asked Liam, made bold by the dark and by Louis's unexpected bout of truthfulness. 

Louis let out a long breath, a sigh that seemed to come from his very core. 

“What didn't happen,” he said, almost to himself. “God. Everything... everything I could have done wrong... I did everything wrong.” 

“But at the end?” Liam asked. “After Zayn flew home, after I left... Niall was home already... what happened?” 

Louis shifted around, uncomfortably. “What has Harry told you?” 

“That he woke up at five am and you were gone,” said Liam. 

“Maybe that's all it seemed like to him,” Louis murmured. 

Liam's breath caught. “What do you mean?” he whispered. 

Louis hesitated. “You probably noticed that by the trip we did that road trip- over Thanksgiving- I was already doing... not very well in classes.” 

“Uhhh...” Liam began to protest. He wouldn't say Louis had been doing poorly. He had done fine. About average. Except that he screwed around a lot. And sometimes he cut classes, for no obvious reason, and without really giving any excuse. And sometimes didn't turn in the homework. Also he talked back at some of the teachers... kind of all the time. Liam knew that Louis had taken two years off after basically failing his A-levels and had worked a variety of odd jobs before deciding to try out school again in another county. This had made him, at age twenty, the oldest of all the first year students. He was older even than Liam, who was in his second year. Liam had frequently heard Louis complain that he had 'forgotten how to be in school' or that he was 'too old for this shit'. 

“I was not doing well,” Louis repeated. “Let's just put it that way. I got- I got talked to a few times.” 

“But that's not...” Liam started. _That's no reason to fucking run away for six months,_ he wanted to say, but that would probably be considered rude. He wanted to encourage Louis to keep talking, not shut him down. Yes, Louis had messed around. Yes, he had constantly needed to be the center of attention, the class clown. But fucking hell- if that was the only problem talk about overreacting. 

“That's not all,” Louis whispered, and his voice was miserable. “It's... I feel like it's kind of my fault... that Niall got hurt.” 

“What?” whispered Liam. He didn't know what Louis was talking about. How could _Louis_ have been responsible? It had been a slip, an accident. Did Louis _push_ him?

“I was partnered with him that class,” said Louis. “I was supposed to be spotting him.” 

“But...” said Liam, struggling to recall that day. His memories of _after_ Niall fell were vividly clear- but his memories of _before_ were strangely hazy. He had been partnered with Zayn; and yes, Niall had been partnered with Louis... but then who had Harry been working with? He always worked with Louis. 

“Harry was working with Taylor,” said Louis bleakly, and as he said the words Liam remembered. “I just couldn't stand... I hated the way she looked at him. He was _mine._ But we were sort of keeping quiet about dating at school- maybe she didn't know... anyway I just,” his voice hitched, but he swallowed and continued, “I just kept trying to get his attention, like making stupid faces at him or whatever, anything to get him to look at me and not at her...” 

“Harry was never interested in Taylor,” said Liam, softly. “He was never interested in anyone but you.” 

“I _know,”_ said Louis, “I _knew_ that. I was making a fucking idiot of myself... but I was distracted. When Niall slipped- I should have _caught_ him. I was supposed to be _spotting_ him, for christ's sake, but the whole fucking class I was just trying to get Harry to look at me.” He scrubbed both hands over his face. 

“It wasn't your fault,” said Liam. “Niall doesn't blame you.” 

“Niall doesn't blame shit for stinking,” said Louis. “He doesn't blame water for being wet. That doesn't mean anything.” 

“It _wasn't_ your fault,” Liam repeated. 

“Feels like my fault...” said Louis. 

“Everyone gets distracted,” Liam insisted. “You could as easily blame Harry. Or Niall, for having weak knees!” 

“Harry,” said Louis. “Uhhhgggg. God. I don't make good decisions when I'm around him.” 

“Was... was leaving one of those bad decisions?” Liam asked, tentatively. 

Louis didn't answer. He had been lying on his back; now he turned onto his side, facing Liam. Liam shifted over to face him more fully, though in the dark he couldn't read Louis's expression very well. Liam had a sudden image of how they would look if anyone were to come in- like two kids whispering secrets on a sleepover. He supposed, in a way, that's what they were. Louis certainly had secrets- they seemed to be eating him from the inside. And he had decided, for some reason, so share them all with Liam. Liam wondered if Louis would be saying these things to Zayn or to Niall. Perhaps not- Liam had always been the one who most often called Louis on his bullshit. They didn't always see eye to eye but that might mean, conversely, that they respected each other more. 

“I was so surprised when I first learned Harry was only eighteen,” Louis said, as if starting at the beginning of a story. “He seemed mature, so- confidant. Put together. He knows what he wants to do with himself. I remember thinking 'how is it possible that he's two years younger than me, he has all his shit together'... I've never had my shit together once in my entire life.” 

“Harry is so _fucking beautiful,”_ said Louis, and his voice was strangled. “God, I wanted him from the minute I first saw him. All that talent- all that strength... I wanted to pin him down and take him. I wanted to use him, and I wanted him to let me.” 

Liam hardly dared to move. Louis had closed his eyes. 

“When I first realized he wanted me as well,” Louis breathed. “I couldn't believe it. He could have had anyone. Half the school had crushes on him. Everyone always loves Harry...” 

Liam heard the implied second half of that sentence. _No one ever loves me._

“Those first few month with him- September, October...” Louis paused, remembering. “They were so good. So, so good. I couldn't believe something so good could come to me. Who am I, just this fuck up from Doncaster, and he's- it's like you said at dinner. He has that charisma. You can't look away from him.” 

“I know what you mean,” Liam agreed. “He has something- something really special.”

That might have been the wrong thing to say. Suddenly Louis curled in on himself, pulling his knees up his chest, burying his face in both hands. 

“And I am a horrible, horrible person,” Louis choked out. His voice had gone raspy and a great quiver went down his whole body. 

“No, no, god, you're not,” said Liam. He reached out with one hand, cupping the back of Louis's head and scooting closer to press their foreheads together. 

“Shhh, shhh,” said Liam. God knew he had wanted to strangle Louis himself not four hours ago, but Liam would have comforted his worse enemy if they'd spoken in a voice like that. It was heart wrenching. 

Louis let out one shaky breath that might have turned into a sob if he had not pressed one hand over his month. His other hand came up to grip Liam's wrist, painfully tight. 

“You are _not_ a horrible person,” said Liam, fiercely. 

“I just _left_ him,” Louis whispered. “He wasn't even awake. I left his bed and walked out of his life for _six months.”_

Actually, that was a pretty compelling argument for horrible person status. 

_“Why?”_ asked Liam. 

“I couldn't take it anymore,” Louis's voice was hoarse. “I was obsessed with him. I loved him, and I was jealous of him, both, constantly. And I couldn't take all the choreography, and all the dancing- all the dancer bullshit. My fucking awful grades. I was just _tired_ all the time, I was so _done._ I was worn to the bone trying to keep up with Harry, and they weren't even going to let me pass the first semester. I'd have had to repeat it again, next year without all of you- if I wanted to come back. And then _Niall...”_

“But why were you jealous when you knew...?”

“I wasn't jealous _about_ him, I was jealous _of_ him,” Louis tried to explain. “Of everything about him... his height; his looks; his dancing- everything is easy for him. And everyone likes him. He can talk to anyone.” 

“He's just like that,” Liam whispered. “It's just who he is.” 

“I _know,”_ said Louis. “It's why I fell in love with him. But when things got bad- it all got twisted in my head, and I started to hate him for it.” Louis's nails were biting into Liam's wrist, five sharp points. Liam wanted to ask him to loosen his grip, but didn't want to interrupt the flow of his thoughts. 

“I started taking it out on him... in- in bed,” Louis said, haltingly. “I started to...hurt him... but he fucking _liked_ it.” His voice was raw with guilt. “I was taking everything out on him- punishing him for my failure and his success. But it wasn't- it wasn't for the right _reasons-_ it wasn't because it was what he wanted and what I wanted or because we enjoyed it- it was because I was bitter and mean and messed up... I'm not saying the sex wasn't good; it was _good;_ but that was also part of the problem- how could it feel so good and leave him glowing when I felt like _shit_ all the time inside...?” 

Louis was shaking, and holding on to Liam's wrist as it if where the last line between him and the void. Liam wondered if his nails were drawing blood- if Liam's arm would show five red crescent moons of Louis's anguish, transferred, in the morning. 

“I could tell I was going to go too far. I was going to go too far and he would let me... Because the way he loved me- I _knew_ I was going to fuck up everything!” 

“Didn't you think of talking to someone? If not Harry, me- or Zayn? Or the school counselor? I mean, it seems like,” Liam tried to make this sound like a suggestion, not an insult, “You're making it sound like you had a sort of mental breakdown...” 

“I think that is what happened,” said Louis. “Why the fuck else would I leave Harry, just leave everything like that? I must have been out of my mind...” 

Liam just let him breathe. He wondered if he was the first person Louis had talked about all of this with. Had Louis talked with his mom about it? Someone from work? Any of the people he lived with? Or had be just been carrying it all by himself, a load of confusion and sorrow too great for any one person to hold? 

“Lou- could you let go of my arm, please?” Liam asked, quietly. 

“What- oh, god, sorry,” said Louis. He unwound his fingers. Liam shifted back a little, gratefully. One of his legs had gone pins and needles holding still for so long. 

“I've had a lot of time to think, these last few months,” Louis murmured. “And time to rest. It's been- my life has been very boring and very lonely, but I actually think... it's been what I needed? I've realized- I think almost all of my problems came down to the fact I was exhausted, exhausted to the point of break down, all the time. I wasn't in very good shape when I started the semester. So I was physically tired from all the work. And I'm not- I've realized I'm not committed enough to dance that it's mentally worth it, for me. You know- 'the hours, the injuries, the no ice cream',” he quoted. 

Liam knew exactly what he meant. He had left dance for very similar reasons. Just not so- dramatically. 

“I wasn't really willing to put in the effort I needed to improve. But at the same time- I wanted to keep up with Harry, to be as good as him, like it was some _contest._ Impossible.” Louis shook his head. “I guess... I just didn't know what he saw in me, I guess. Like- if I wasn't as good in dance as him, what did I have? What did I have to offer?” 

“Yourself,” said Liam. 

“Ha,” said Louis. “Well... I know now what I should have done. Just- just stepped back a little over winter break, seen how things were after New Years, decide with my family if I should come back to school or not, and then talk with Harry. But...” He sighed. “But I was in this state... ” 

“When was this?” Liam asked, frowning. 

“That last night- the last night before we were both going to fly home. I stayed over- you and Niall and Zayn were already gone. We were going to take a taxi to the airport together in the morning. I didn't sleep for one second that night. They'd just told me at school I hadn't been accepted into the spring semester. I told Harry... he said it didn't matter, we could still be together. I just. I couldn't. I couldn't watch him get better and better and leave me behind. So I left first.” He swallowed. 

“God, Liam, it was the worst thing I've ever done. I knew his alarm would go off at five am so I left at four. I just got up and dressed and walked out the door. All I took was my wallet, my keys and my phone. Didn't take my suitcase. I don't- I don't know what he must have thought when he woke up and I wasn't there...”

“He flipped out and called me,” Liam muttered. But he knew Harry's side of the story. He wanted the rest of Louis's side. “What happened to you?”

“I got _mugged,_ is what fucking happened- walking around in a daze in the middle of the night, what do you expect? Some guy in a black hoodie cornered me and told me to hand over my wallet and phone- punched me in the face when I tried to keep them, held me down, searched my pockets and took off.” 

Liam hissed in surprise and sympathy. “What- what did you do?” 

“Ran to the next street over and flagged down a police car. Told them want happened. We tried to find the guy but he was gone. They took me back to a station to report it. By the time they were done getting a statement and filling out all this paperwork, I realized Harry's flight had already left, and I had missed my flight as well.” 

He let out a long breath. 

“What happened after you left the police station?” Liam asked. 

“I used their phone to call my mom, and told her I was dropping out of the program but I wanted to stay in San Francisco to work. Said I already had a job lined up.” 

“You lied to your _mom?”_ said Liam, aghast. 

“No- well yes. Sort of. But I did get a job pretty quickly,” said Louis, as if that made up for it. “The really shitty thing though was that I couldn't get my suitcase out of the apartment until the housing office re-opened after New Years and they let me back in to get my stuff. I'd been sleeping on someone's couch and wearing the same three sets of clothes til then. I was... I was pretty close to homeless for a while there...”

“You didn't go home for _Christmas??”_ Liam exclaimed. Louis shushed him. Liam remembered how there were three other people probably (hopefully) sleeping in the apartment. And it hadn't escaped him how vaguely Louis had described 'sleeping on someone's couch'... they'd have to return to that point later. 

“Sorry,” Liam whispered. “But why didn't you go back to England?”

“Harry was in England,” said Louis simply, as if that made any kind of sense. As if England was too small to hold the two of them. Or maybe, Liam thought wryly, it was Louis and his ego that England couldn't hold- it took a country the size of America for that. 

“You must have got all your stuff before the beginning of term though- when Harry, Zayn and I got back your things were gone,” said Liam. 

“Yeah, I was already living in the Mission by that point,” said Louis. 

“You know we had to interrogate the office ladies, just to figure out you were no longer enrolled,” said Liam, with some bitterness. His understanding for Louis's problems was starting to run out. Louis had been hurting, but he had also been an idiot. As soon as he got his passport back he could have just flown home. 

“Yeah,” said Louis. “Ah- sorry about that.” 

That might be the only actual apology they ever got. “Why didn't you _contact_ any of us?” Liam asked, exasperated. 

“Well, I mean, I lost my phone and I didn't have my computer, it was here in the apartment...” started Louis. A terrible excuse. “So at first it was because I couldn't. But then- every day that went by that I didn't text or email it started to seem more and more impossible. I wasn't- I wasn't sure any of you would ever want to see me again- to be honest...” 

They had been mad as hell at Louis, but they had always wanted to see him again- if only so they could kill him. “You came back tonight though,” said Liam. 

“Yeah,” said Louis. “Yeah. I had to... After I got that email with the program I had to see Harry's bun in person. Another thing I've realized... I am still stupidly in love him.” 

Liam snorted at this. The power of Harry's hair. When all else had failed, that damn bun had pulled Louis out of the woodwork. Liam must remember to tell Harry this at some point- if Louis didn't run off again like an ass. 

“I didn't think I'd end up back here though,” said Louis, pensively. “I just thought I'd see the second half of the show and slip out. Not intrude.” 

They fell silent at last. Liam wondered what time it was. It felt like they had been talking for hours, but he knew that time was deceptive at night. He lay still, listening. Pine Street was quiet now but there was a distant rushing of cars on Van Ness, the traffic that never ended. Somewhere, very faintly, Liam heard a police siren. His eyes were closed. He was on the very edge of sleep. 

“Thanks for listening to me tonight,” said Louis. Liam was surprised back into wakefulness. 

“You're going to make a good therapist someday,” Louis added, and Liam could hear his smile. 

“I don't actually want to be a therapist,” said Liam, drowsily. 

“What else do you do with a psychology degree?” Louis asked, not unfairly. 

“I don't know, I haven't thought that far ahead,” said Liam. He didn't want to think about it right now either, he wanted to sleep. 

“You should really talk to Zayn though,” said Louis, without context.

“This again...?” Liam groaned. He was _so tired._

“Yes,” said Louis firmly. “I know you don't think he likes you in that way, but you can't see him when looks at you. And remember, at Halloween...” 

“Uggghhh. Can we please not talk about Halloween?” Liam begged. 

“Liam, _he kissed you in front of the whole bar,”_ said Louis. 

“He didn't _mean_ it, it was just because of the _costumes,”_ said Liam. He had been over this in his head, a thousand times. “Also, we were both really drunk at the time...” 

“I think he did mean it, and he's been waiting for you to make the next move since November,” said Louis. 

_“What?”_ said Liam. “No... _What??”_

Could that be true? 

“I think you need to just tell him how you feel and see what happens,” said Louis, sagely. “That's what I'm planning to do with Harry. When- you know- when he's speaking to me again...” 

“Ahhhhgg, I've _tried_ but there's never a good time,” said Liam miserably. He had planned to tell Zayn at the end of last semester, when he took him to the airport, but then he had missed their exit. He had thought about calling Zayn over the winter break, but bringing it up over the phone seemed to cowardly. He had decided to tell Zayn at the beginning of this semester, but they had all been stressing out over Louis being gone... and then he had broken his arm and quit all his dance classes. During the semester he and Zayn had been too busy looking after Harry for Liam to want to bring it up. He had been on the verge of saying something this evening but then Louis had showed up again... now that Liam thought about it, almost half those missed opportunities were Louis's fault. But anyway, it was just too late to say anything now. 

“I missed my chance,” said Liam. _No thanks to you,_ he added, but silently. 

“What do you mean, you missed your chance?” said Louis, exasperated. “Go fucking talk to him right now! I'm planning to crawl on my knees through broken glass if that's what it takes to get Harry back. You don't have to do that, Zayn already likes you. Just go wake him up and talk to him!” 

“What, _no!”_ said Liam. “He's sleeping, he hates being woken up, _and_ he has a show tomorrow.”

“If you don't, I will,” said Louis. “I'll go in there right now and wake up and tell him.” He sounded serious. 

“That would be _such a dick move,”_ said Liam, trying to put all the force of his disapproval into his voice. The thing was, Louis would do it. Louis did shit like that. 

“Yeah, well, I'm kind of a dick, I think we've established that,” said Louis, his voice heavy with irony. 

“I am _not_ waking Zayn up for this, and neither are _you!”_ Liam hissed at him. He was ready to physically restrain Louis from getting up if need be. Zayn _hated_ being woken up. 

But suddenly, as if summoned by the repeated use of his name, there was a sound from Zayn's room. His door creaked open and Liam froze, heart in his throat. He was sure they were about to hear Zayn's sleep-laden voice telling them both to be quiet, or possibly to go to hell. But all Liam heard was a few light footsteps as Zayn shuffled down the hall to the bathroom. The bathroom door was pushed shut and the light came on, radiating a brightness from around the jam that seemed to fill the whole living room. They heard Zayn take a long piss and wash his hands. Then the light clicked off and Zayn drifted back into his own room and closed the door. 

Liam let out a gasp of air- he hadn't realized he had been holding his breath the entire time. 

“Well,” said Louis, after a poignant moment. “He's awake. Kinda.” 

Liam tried to get his breathing back to normal. His heart was pounding madly. 

“I think it's now or never, Payne,” said Louis. 

“Ahhhggg,” said Liam, intelligently. 

_“Go,”_ said Louis. “Christ, Liam, you spineless bastard, _go right now_ or I swear to god...!” 

“Fuck you, I'm going,” said Liam, not letting Louis finish his sentence. He stood up, his breath still uneven. His legs were shaky and he almost fell. Making his way awkwardly past the goddamn coffee table his gaze happened to land on the glowing green numbers on the front of the microwave. It was 3am. 

“Fuck,” muttered Liam. He stood still for a moment outside Zayn's door. He could hear Niall snoring in the other room, but no sound from Harry. 

_“Go,”_ whispered Louis from the bed in the living room. Liam couldn't believe he was taking life advice from Louis _fucking_ Tomlinson. He knocked once, quietly, on the door and then pushed it open a little. 

“Zayn,” Liam whispered into the cool darkness of his friend's room. One of Zayn's windows was open and Liam could feel a faint breath of wind. 

“Zayn,” said Liam, just a fraction louder. His stomach was heavy. “Zayn, can I come in?”

Zayn rolled over, his dark hair a shadow against the pillow. 

“What is it?” Zayn murmured, sounding only half awake.

Liam took a deep breath and stepped into his room. He closed the door very softly behind him and picked his way across the floor. For a minute he just stood awkwardly next to Zayn's bed, feeling almost ill from nerves. 

“Can I sit down?” Liam asked, in a shockingly normal voice. 

“Yeah,” said Zayn. He seemed to wake up a little more. “Is everything- alright?” There was a little edge to his voice, as if he was worried it was bad news that had brought Liam. What did people usually need to say at 3 in the morning other than that there had been a death in the family? Or possibly that one of your best friends had run away again? 

“It's- there's nothing wrong,” Liam said, wanting to reassure him. He folded his legs just under Zayn's bed and crossed his arms on the mattress. His head was now at a level with Zayn's. He could just see Zayn's eyes, half open, under his dark brows. 

“I just wanted to talk to you... if that's okay,” said Liam. 

“Of course,” said Zayn. He turned on his side and squished his pillow into a better shape so that he could face Liam. 

“So- there's something I've been... meaning to tell you,” Liam found he was curiously short of breath. He rested his chin on his arms and tried to collect himself. “I wanted to say...” He paused and tried again. “I mean, I've tried to say this a few times but it seems like it's always a bad time, or I get interrupted, or I lose my nerve...” he was rambling. This was like having to give a speech he had not prepared for. _Where was his outline?_

“Please,” whispered Zayn. “Please just- say what you're saying.” 

“Right,” said Liam. Yes, just say it. That made it sound so easy! 

“Umm...” he started. “I... I really like you, Zayn. I think- you know that? I mean- I know we're friends. Which is good. I love being friends with you. But I'm also... kind of... in love with you? Not kind of,” Liam clarified. “I am- I am in love with you, Zayn.” Liam thought maybe it was the darkness that gave him the courage he had always lacked before. He had never been able to say those words aloud in daylight. 

“God, Liam,” said Zayn, and he sounded a little breathless too. “You kept me waiting long enough...” 

“Did I...?” Liam started to ask, but Zayn had leaned forward across the small space between them and was kissing him before Liam had time to finish his question. And it was sort of awkward, because Zayn's head was sideways and Liam had not been expecting it- but it was still the best answer Liam could ever have hoped to receive. His entire body grew warm, and his heart was as light as air. 

“Does this mean...” Liam whispered, when Zayn drew back. 

“Yes,” said Zayn, propping himself up on his elbows. “It means you are an idiot and I love you back.” And with that- and at a better angle- he kissed Liam again and this time Liam was ready. He leaned forward into it and in a moment it went from sweet to hungry and Zayn's hand curled around the back of his neck. Zayn seemed to know what he wanted, so Liam just went along as Zayn tipped Liam's head back a little and kissed his mouth open and started with his tongue... _Why the fuck didn't I tell him tell sooner?_ Liam thought dazedly. There was heat shimmering down his spine and he was lost in wonder at having received what he had wanted for so long, which was: Zayn, without any distractions. 

Zayn kissed him until Liam was breathless and hard and halfway into the bed. Liam was just thinking that maybe pulling Zayn's shirt off would be a good idea- _wow, he had not expected things to go this quickly-_ when Zayn drew back a little. Liam immediately stopped what he was doing, not wanting to press. It was very- new. Shockingly new. He had no idea what to do with his hands. It had been kind of a long time since he'd last made out with anyone and he was feeling weirdly out of practice. 

“Liam, I would desperately like to continue this,” said Zayn, and the low pitch of his voice went directly to Liam's dick. 

_Focus,_ Liam thought to himself. _Zayn is talking, listen to him!_

“But if I don't get at least four more hours of sleep I am going to be a wreck tomorrow,” Zayn said, huskily. “Which would be very bad, as I need to not fall over during the show...” 

“Yes,” said Liam, sitting back. “Yes, right.” He sighed. It was extremely unfortunate, but also extremely true. “Okay.” He crossed his arms, feeling a little cold now that he wasn't half lying on top of Zayn. “I guess I will... go...?” 

“Or you could come in,” said Zayn. He scooted over a little, making a bit of space in the small bed. “I mean, just to sleep. It might not be very comfortable, but if you wanted...” 

Liam forestalled any further debate by climbing in. There was not very much space. And only one pillow. But Zayn solved Liam's uncertainty of how much they were or were not going to touch by turning on his side, facing the wall, and pulling Liam's arm over him like an extra blanket. 

_Big spoon,_ thought Liam. _Yes, I am very okay with this._

He felt himself slowly relax, still overcome by the novelty of his new situation. It was a big step up from sharing the fold out with Louis, that was for damn sure. Even if his arm would probably go numb before morning. Liam wouldn't have moved it for the world. 

He felt Zayn melt a little into the mattress. The curve of his back pressed lightly against Liam's chest. Liam's knees just brushed the back of Zayn's calves. Their feet had settled together like old friends. 

Just when Liam was sure that Zayn was asleep, Zayn spoke in the thinnest of whispers. 

“Promise you will be here in the morning?” he said, and Liam heard the echo of Louis's disappearance in the question. His heart froze and flamed in the same moment. Liam knew that Zayn would never have asked if not for the exhaustingly long day they had had. 

“Promise,” said Liam. He buried his nose for a moment in the back of Zayn's hair, and pressed one kiss to the top of his spine. He cursed Louis for planting such a fear in all of their minds- while realizing that he also needed to thank Louis for the pushed he had needed to end up in Zayn's bed. 

There was no reply except for Zayn breathing more deeply. Liam followed him into sleep.

***

There was a gray light filtering in through the windows when Liam woke up. That meant very little; on foggy days in San Francisco the sky might present the same bright flat bank of clouds at noon as it did at six in the morning. As expected, both of his arms were very uncomfortable from having slept holding Zayn for an unknown period of time. He really needed to get this fucking cast off.

Liam lay still for a while, contemplating the wall at the end of Zayn's bed. From where he lay he could see the Golden Gate Bridge poster, and one of the two drawings that Zayn currently had up. It was a drawing of Liam. It was odd, but Liam had found this in no way significant until now. Zayn had drawn each of them, multiple times, with varying degrees of success. He would draw sometimes while they sat at a restaurant waiting for a meal- or in his very few lecture classes, when he really should have been taking notes. Liam remembered when Zayn had done this one; it had been at Dolores park, on a Sunday afternoon, during a whimsical afternoon picnic/tea party that Harry had planned. They had all agreed at the time that it was a better than average likeness. Zayn had been very pleased with it, and when he put it up Liam had thought simply that he wanted to admire his own (relative) achievement. But now, remembering last night, and thinking back to a dozen other small things, Liam wondered how he could have been so blind. For Zayn had put up the drawing in exactly the right place to see it every morning when he woke up. This thought made him smile. 

Liam really didn't want to move, not wanting to disturb Zayn (who needed the rest more than he did) but at last his bladder could no longer be ignored. Liam shifted carefully out of the bed and stood up. Remembering Zayn's question of last night he was suddenly struck by the worry that Zayn might wake up while he was in the bathroom and panic. That was not going to happen, Liam told himself. Zayn had the ability to sleep through both earthquakes and thunderstorms. He'd just go quickly and come right back. 

He tried to pee as quietly as possible, and winced at the noise of the flush. He pushed the door of the bathroom back open slowly, every creak and scuff of his feet sounding very loud in the sleeping apartment. Liam glanced briefly into the living room, trying to see if he had woken Louis. Immediately he had the sense that something was not right; or, rather, not as he remembered. His heart beat painfully as he inched a little closer to peer at the pile of sleeping bags on the fold out couch; _oh god, if it was empty-_ but no- there was someone sleeping there. Two people. 

There, in a nest of sleeping bags and couch pillows, Liam saw Harry and Louis curled together like cats. Harry's curls were in disarray across his forehead, and there was a smile curving Louis lips as he slept. Liam was struck by a feeling half of wonder, half of fear; he hoped like hell they knew what they were doing. 

Turning back into the hall, Liam leaned into Harry's room. There was Niall, happily spread out and snoring softly, taking up the biggest bed in the apartment all by himself. Liam shook his head a little, but he couldn't stop the grin that spread across his face as he pushed open Zayn's door. In the end, they seemed to have found a compromise of sleeping arrangements that suited everyone.

**Author's Note:**

> This story is the second in a series that will have at least six parts. When I started this series I also started a tumblr to collect reference/research images of San Francisco, modern dancers and the boys. You can find that here if you are interested: [akikotree on tumblr](http://akikotree.tumblr.com/). I recently posted a floor plan of the Harry and Zayn's [apartment](http://akikotree.tumblr.com/post/105248037501/i-designed-a-floor-plan-for-harry-and-zayns) there. 
> 
> Thank you once again to [takeintoaccount](http://archiveofourown.org/users/takeintoaccount/works), [mybeanieandme](http://archiveofourown.org/users/mybeanieandme/works) and to stolennoodle- your encouragements are a vital part of this enterprise :)


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